Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
