Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
