More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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