sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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