I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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