dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
