she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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