yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
