Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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