You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
