You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
