Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
