chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
