Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
