Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
