Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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