I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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