oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
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But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
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I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.