Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
