so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
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You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
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Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS