I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
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No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
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dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.