I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
