In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
