I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
