Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
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lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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