My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
time to smoke my breakfast
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize