But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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