yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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