Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
