Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
