His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
