I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
