I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
