Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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