Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i came on her dog
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
