I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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