Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Boobs speak an international language.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
