K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
