i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
