I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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