dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
