Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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