Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
