She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
