i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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