I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
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When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
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Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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