So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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