we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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