You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
