I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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