Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
