I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
