every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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