im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
