He told me they were just razor bumps!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
