I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
