Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Randomize
