You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
