I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
