i need an iv and a liver transplant
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he fucked my hip out of place.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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