break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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