someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
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When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
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dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize