I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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