is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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