She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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