hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
