Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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