I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
