I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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