The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
