Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
