yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
