What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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