Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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