Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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