does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
