Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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