Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i love accidental penises.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
